Grandma Casson
by RicardianScholar Clark-Weasley
Summary: the evils of all evils is coming to the Banana House - Grandma Casson! how will the family survive the week with this overbearing old woman?
1. Chapter 1

It was a normal average breakfast in the Casson household.

Saffy was dictating Rose's homework, Rose was complaining, Indigo was attempting to learn a new song on his guitar, David was eating, Eve was trying to make the porridge she promised her children to be smooth while painting one-handed, Caddy had popped by with Buttercup who was screaming, and Bill was reading the letters and muttering to himself about bills.

Nothing but the extraordinary would make them quiet and today the extraordinary was going to happen.

"Good God!" Bill suddenly shouted immediately silencing everyone.

Buttercup was still sniffling apparently he was teething...again...which meant everyone avoided the baby. Last time Buttercup teethed he chewed up all of Rose's crayons, bit David several times, and made a hole in the blow up bed Tom usually sleeps on. No one was sure how Buttercup even got into that cupboard in the first place...

"What is it Bill darling?" Eve asked as she accidentally dribbled pink paint into the porridge.

Everyone immediately decided a bowl of cereal would do for them today.

Apart from David who could never hurt Eve's feelings since she always made him feel at home.

"It is my mother," Bill said slowly.

"You have a mother?" Rose asked disbelievingly.

"Is she dead?" Eve asked almost hopefully.

"Eve! Rose!" Bill shouted. "No she is not dead and of course I have a mother, how on earth did you think I came to existence without one?"

"I always thought you came out of an egg like a snake," Rose said causing Saffy and Indigo to snort.

"What does your mother want?" Eve asked nervously still dripping pink paint into the porridge.

"My mother, your Grandma Casson," he added for the children's benefit, "will be coming to visit us for a week this Easter holiday."

"D-d-did you invite her?" Eve stuttered. She now looked deathly pale and the children were beginning to get worried as she clutched the kitchen side to keep steady.

"No."

"She just invited herself? That's rude," Saffy said disgusted with the grandmother she never met.

"That's Grandma Casson," Caddy said softly. She shuddered at the only memory of her over bearing, rude, harsh grandmother. "I'm glad that I no longer live here."

"You will be here for when she arrives, for certain family events throughout the week, and for when she finally leaves," Bill ordered Caddy. "She is visiting to see you since she heard about the wedding fiasco. She also wishes to see Saffy, Indigo and Rose."

"Why wasn't she at the wedding?" Rose asked curiously.

"I believe she was in Switzerland for her health at the time," Bill said.

Eve never sent an invitation to her was the real answer but Bill wasn't going to tell his very rude and proud daughter that. If his mother upsets Rose in any way she would be quick to use that as ammunition against the elderly lady. He can't have his daughter cause his mother a heart attack and possibly killing her. Actually on second thoughts maybe he should...the woman hasn't stopped criticising him since he married Eve and it's driving him insane.

He will not let her have any ammunition to criticise him during this visit.

"Right then," he said loudly, "we must get to work. You all must help make this house spotless, Indigo please stop dressing in black for the week, Saffy get rid of that nose stud, Caddy for the love of god do not tell your grandmother you're not married, Rose stop wearing your brothers clothes, David you are the only child of mine I can trust set an example of what a good polite child the others should be, and Eve please do not let my mother upset you, love you all, I have to go now, bye darlings..."

And just like that Bill disappeared for his studio across town where he won't have anyone arguing with him. As he correctly predicted a sudden outburst of anger exploded amongst his children.

"David isn't even his son!"

"Oh you don't think Grandma will be cross if I have a child without marrying do you?"

"I'm not cleaning anything!"

"What's wrong with my nose stud?"

"What's wrong with my clothes?"

"What's wrong with Indigo's clothes?"

The back door opened and Sarah popped in with a cheerful smile. "Good morning Cassons! How are you on this lovely typical rainy English day? Oh Eve, are we having pink porridge today? It looks interesting..."

Eve snapped out of her horrified state and looked at the porridge in despair. "Oh no!" she wailed. "I put paint in by mistake! I am so sorry my darlings! I'll make some eggs instead!"

"No time Mum," Indigo said nodding to the clock, "we'll be late for school...again."

Quickly rushing round the children but Caddy got ready for school. Eve shoved biscuits down their throats for breakfast and made sure Rose had her new tie on. It had almost been a year since Rose started secondary school and she despised her school tie so much that it was usually found in the bin or in Buttercup's mouth.

The moment the children were gone and Caddy had left to work Eve sat down besides Buttercup who was now chewing her paintbrush. "Oh Buttercup darling!" she wailed. "Why did that evil hag have to come?"


	2. Chapter 2

Sarah had to pinch herself.

It was just so..._unbelievable._

It just had to be a dream. It was the only explanation.

She pinched herself and let out a little yelp. Ok, so it was not a dream, therefore she must be in an alternative reality. There is suddenly a rift in time and space on her street and she just walked right through it...

"I know, I know," Saffy moaned, "it's so weird."

"You look so weird."

"I know!"

Sarah looked round disbelievingly at the spotless Banana House. There was not a single thing out of place, not even a fingerprint on the wall, or object laying carelessly anywhere. On top of that Saffy stood beside her with her hair carefully tied in a bun, her nose ring gone, and wearing a knee length skirt with matching cardigan of all things!

"_Why?"_ was all Sarah managed to get out.

"Grandma Casson is coming today and Bill has gone into full on paranoia," Saffy shrugged.

"I don't think I've ever met this Grandma Casson," Sarah frowned.

She had thought she met all the alive family members (a cousin of Eve's who was just as wild and dippy, and her own children) at the wedding but obviously not.

"I've never met her either," Saffy said. "The only one who has is Caddy and whenever we asked her something about Grandma Casson she just burst into tears."

"Yeah but that doesn't say anything Caddy cries while watching the Lion King." Sarah was immediately distracted from the freakily clean house and oddly dressed Saffy the moment Indigo walked in. He wore a shirt and tie along with his school trousers looking rather deliciously handsome if Sarah said so herself. "Well aren't you looking nice today?" she grinned. "What makes this girl so special that you'll dress up for her but not for me?" she laughed at Indigo's stutter.

"Just ignore her, Indy," Saffy advised him.

Sarah looked ready to make a defensive remark when she was drowned out by a loud cry. "Caddy can't you keep that baby quiet?" Bill bellowed. "Mother won't stand for a crying baby."

"So unnatural grumpiness is hereditary in this family?" Michael said ignoring the dark looks Saffy, Rose and Indigo were giving him. "That explains so much about Carlos."

"Why can't I wear normal clothes?" Rose complained.

"Rose you are wearing normal clothes."

"Pink dresses are not normal. They're evil."

"Eve don't _even_ think about going in that godforsaken shed, Rose stop complaining there's nothing wrong with your dress, Indigo wipe that scowl off your face, Sarah stop laughing, and for the love of god someone shut that baby up!"

Buttercup stopped crying out of sheer shock of his grandfather's shouting. Eve dressed scarily in a similar style as Saffy froze with her hand on the backdoor handle, Rose sulked on the sofa, Indigo decided to daydream, and Sarah only managed to turn her full out laughter into a giggle.

There was a door slamming outside.

A shout.

Footsteps heading up the path.

Some wheels rolling behind the footsteps.

A pause.

A sigh.

Then the door was finally knocked.

Bill dressed in one of his best 'casual' smart clothes paled and marched to the front door. The Cassons, Sarah, David, and Michael followed him in time to see the door opening and revealing an elderly woman. She was shorter than Saffy, her hair was iron grey, her eyes the deep Casson blue, her lips thin and pursed, and she was dressed elegantly.

"Hello William," she said briskly, "are you not going to invite me in? Where is my hello kiss? Why are you still living in this dump? I thought you said you were successful and living in London."

"Hello Mother," Bill said gritting his teeth. He bent down and kissed her on the cheek. "I did tell you I chose to return here so I can be with my children."

"And _her_," Grandma Casson said glaring at Eve. Eve looked on the verge of running away with her tail tucked between her legs or simply just burst into tears she was so terrified. "Hello Eve."

"Hello Mrs Casson," Eve mumbled.

"Where are my grandchildren? I only seen Cadmium as a small child and Indigo as a baby, and now I hear you have four children and are fostering another! Why have you been keeping my grandchildren away from me? They should have a stable stern structure which I'm sure they didn't have with Eve dancing round like the idiot she is."

"Don't call Mummy an idiot!" Rose burst out angrily. "She's better than you!"

"Rose!" Bill hissed. "Do not speak out of turn or with that tone of voice, do you hear me?"

"Ah, so this is _Permanent_ Rose, the youngest?" Grandma Casson asked. Her thin lips had a small curve to it; Caddy shuddered, could it be possible that Grandma was smiling? "She has a temper, a stubborn look to her, and the eyes. Oh she is definitely a Casson girl unlike other granddaughters I could mention," her eyes landed on Caddy who looked desperate to escape just like Eve. "This one is exactly like her mother," she said as if it was the worst insult in the world. "I wish your husband luck. He is going to need it if you are forgetful as your mother is. Now is that my great-grandson? What is his name, I do not believe William told me?"

"Carlos," Michael said completely unimpressed with the elderly women. Insulting the mother of his future wife who was nothing but the sweetest person on earth was one thing, but insulting his future wife? Now that just lost this biddy all of his respect. By the look she was giving him he had none of her respect, probably because of his ponytail and earring. Bill didn't like those either. "Carlos Michael Casson."

"He does not have your surname?" Grandma Casson asked. She glanced down at his hand and glowered at the lack of wedding ring. "I see. We shall discuss why my only great-grandchild is a bastard at dinner. I wish to see the other illegitimate child and the one you are fostering, and my god who is this young lady in the wheelchair, have you started a foster home without telling me William? And good god in heaven! Why are there scribblings on the wall?"

Bill looked on the verge of a heart attack, Eve was so pale she might as well be dead, Saffy was furious, Indigo wished he was in America with Tom so did David and Rose, Michael wondered why he didn't turn Bill down when he asked him to teach Caddy driving, and Sarah wondered if anyone would really mind if she ran over Grandma Casson with her wheelchair.

It was going to be a long night and an even longer week.


	3. Chapter 3

Dinner was an awkward affair.

For a good part of the meal they had all sat in silence which was probably the first time ever in the Banana House where the stove is likely to catch fire if it's been quiet for more than two minutes. The only sound echoing in the room was the sound of cutlery against the plate until Buttercup, most likely out of boredom Rose really couldn't blame him, threw his orange baby food mush onto the floor.

"Honestly Cadmium can you not control your child?" Grandma Casson sniffed.

"Is it any of your business how Caddy and Michael raise their child?" Saffy asked in a cold polite tone.

Everyone froze at this. David kept his fork in his mouth while many others had theirs held up midway apart from Eve who had been in the middle of pushing her food around on the plate when Saffy spoke causing her fork to stop to a screeching halt. Everyone stared at the two women, Grandma Casson who remained expressionless; her lighter shade of blue eyes seemed frostier than ever while Saffy sat up in a perfectly straight posture much like Grandma Casson only her darker blue eyes were sparkling with defiance and anger.

There had never been a time before this where Bill cursed his daughter's stubbornness so thoroughly in his head.

"If they are not even married then they must know what structure is healthy for a child. Obviously Cadmium had not had the right structure of a healthy family otherwise she would not have run off in such an uncouth manner nor would you speak so rudely to your elders," Grandma Casson said equally coolly as she sipped her wine.

"I appreciate the fact you are speaking from experience seeing as you did a terrible job with your own son," Saffy snarled.

Eve, Caddy, and David looked horrified, Rose decided it was best to finish eating before something happens to the food (last time there had been an argument at the table Saffy had literally thrown a plate of spaghetti bolognaise at Daddy's head, it missed but Daddy sent them all to bed before Rose could finish her own dinner), Bill looked furious as did Grandma Casson, Michael wondered if anyone would notice if he went to the pub, Indigo was in his happy place, and Sarah quietly took her best friend's hand for comfort.

"I beg your pardon?"

The others tried to not shiver at Grandma Casson's voice. It had never been so icy, cruel, and evil before than it had right this moment at the fake politeness of the words.

"Well if he was raised better then perhaps he would not have an affair with his wife's sister or forget to tell said wife he has an illegitimate daughter or even forget to tell said illegitimate daughter said fact," Saffy said just as icily.

"William is a man," Grandma Casson said dismissively, "I cannot be held for his foolishness. You should count your lucky stars that you are born in this day and age. Back in my day illegitimate children was considered a shameful secret and would have never been allowed in the main household."

"Well it certainly be better than suffering this dinner with you!" Saffy shouted.

Grandma Casson was about to open her mouth to release a cutting retort most likely when she was interrupted by Rose. "What is illegitimate children?" she asked curiously.

There is a moment of awkward silence where the boys were suddenly more interested in their dinner, Saffy and Grandma Casson were having a staring contest though in Rose's opinion it was more of a glaring contest, Bill was trying to find an answer to Rose's question and after gulping down the dregs of her wine Eve decided to answer it for her.

"Illegitimate children are children whose parents weren't married when they were born, darling," Eve explained, "Like Caddy's Buttercup and Saffy."

"Oh," was all what Rose said before she began eating again.

"Buttercup? _Buttercup_? Cadmium, I thought you said your son was called Carlos, who is this _Buttercup?_"

"I wasn't sure what to name him and Rose kept shouting Buttercup...it's just stuck..." Caddy explained weakly at the terrifying glare of Grandma Casson.

"And it really isn't any of your business," Saffy snapped in her older sister's defence. "Seeing as most of us have never met you and you never bothered to contact us before today I hardly see why your opinion should matter."

"Oh you insolent child-"

"Oh shut up you hag!" Saffy spat out before she stood up pushing her dinner away. "I've had it with you and there's no chance in hell I'm going to spend the whole week with you. I'm leaving!"

"Saffy, no!" Eve cried out.

Ignoring Eve's cries, Bill's shouts, and Grandma Casson's ranting on how ungrateful she is Saffy marched up to her bedroom, packed a bag full of clothes and then stormed down the stairs where she pulled Sarah away from her dinner.

"Hey! I'm eating!" Sarah protested.

"Let's go back to yours before I'm forced to commit murder," Saffy growled.

With a sigh and an apologetic look at her boyfriend Sarah allowed her best friend to push her out of the house and down the street. The others kept their heads down as Eve sobbingly returned to the kitchen and Bill was making a terrible attempt to soothe her.

"Eve Darling, I beg of you, be sensible darling, dry up those tears..."

"Honesty Eve. People would think you were the child instead of the mother," Grandma Casson scolded the crying woman.

"Does anyone else wish they left with Saffy?" Michael whispered.

"Yes," the boys and Caddy hissed back.

"I'm still holding out for pudding," Rose said solemnly.

She didn't usually get pudding and if having someone as evil as Grandma Casson sitting there opposite her meant she got pudding then she was going to suffer in silence for pudding!

Five hours later she wishes whole heartedly that she had left with Saffy when she was lying there wide awake in her own bed hearing a monster roar not so far away.

It growled and grumbled.

It snorted and snarled.

It was loud and echoed throughout the house.

The Banana House has never been silent even at night with David's snoring, Buttercup's crying, Caddy and Eve accidentally break something, and Bill shouting for one reason or the other but this was awful.

Grandma Casson didn't just snore.

She snored loudly, constantly, and monstrously.

Rose couldn't even blink her eyes she was so terrified.

**Author's Note: sorry for such a long update. I had a bit of writer's block and inspiration for various other fics instead of this one. I will try to update more often over the summer. Please review! **


	4. Chapter 4

There was a gloomy air around the Banana House this morning.

Eve was half sobbing, half dozing off as she attempted to cook breakfast, Bill was drinking his coffee and attempting to read the newspaper which would have been convincing if he wasn't twitching every few seconds and glancing at the front door hopefully, Caddy (who had stayed the night at Bill's insistence and was quickly abandoned by Michael, who although willingly to go to hell and back for her thought Grandma Casson was asking a bit too much of him) was half asleep and clutching Buttercup tightly to her chest in case she dropped him (again), and Rose had already fallen asleep again with her head on the table and some of her hair in the butter.

The only two people who were somewhat cheerful was David and Indigo though they were too quiet and preferred to block the world out with their headphones rather than pay attention to the latest drama.

Well, ok, David tried to help but when Eve snarled at him for calling her 'Mrs Casson' (he still found it difficult to call his 'foster' parents by their given names) he decided it was best for his own safety (and pride because really he was very close to wetting himself just then) to copy Indigo.

Everyone had been kept up to the early hours of the morning by Grandma Casson's terrifyingly loud snoring and when they finally managed to doze off they were woken barely three hours later by her heavy footsteps and loud grumbling as she made her way to the bathroom to get washed and dressed.

Fortunately for the family Grandma Casson always went on a morning walk no matter where she was or what the weather was like before breakfast which allowed all of them to sort themselves out and Eve to prepare breakfast.

She already burnt the bacon because she fell asleep and now she was failing at making porridge once again.

Only this time she was so distracted between her crying ("Oh my poor darling Saffy forced to live on the streets because of that old bat!" "Eve be sensible! Saffron is staying with Sarah and she was not forced to do anything, she made her own choice!" "She wouldn't have made a choice if that old hag of your mother kept her mouth shut!" "Eve Darling!") and almost falling asleep again that instead of pouring in milk she poured in bright bold red paint that she and Rose kept in the fridge into the mixture.

"Eve Darling!" Bill cried out in horror. "That's paint not milk! Why on earth is there paint in the fridge? I thought I cleared it out."

Rose groaned from the table. "The colder the paint is the brighter the colour," she mumbled.

Bill was too tired to tell her off which was saying something really. He was so used to the silence of his flat in London or the quiet breathing which was occasionally pierced by Buttercup's screaming of his family that the return of his mother's snoring (which he swears has gotten worse since he was a child) had kept him up all night.

"I think we will stick to just toast this morning," he said as he threw the contents of the saucepan into the bin as Eve sobbed once mire. "Don't cry, Eve, be sensible we only have six more days and then everything will be back to normal...well as normal as it can get here."

"I just want Saffy to come home. It is like her running away to Italy all over again!" Eve wailed.

"Good lord, Saffron did what?" Grandma Casson said as she bustled in with a newspaper and a bag of fruit. "Honestly, Eve do you not know how to discipline that child? I know it must be rather distressing raising your husband's illegitimate child but that is no excuse for being so lax in her discipline." She sat down next to Rose completely unaware of the dirty look her youngest grandchild was sending her. "Oh do not worry about my breakfast, I knew Eve would botch up whatever attempt and thought it was best to buy some fruit. Better for my health as well as my stomach. Oh go and get me a bowel and a knife to peel this orange, will you William?"

"Yes Mother," Bill mumbled as he went to obey his mother.

"Now I thought it would be wonderful if we went out today and explored the minimal culture this town has to offer, we could look at some of the museums and maybe book tickets to the theatre, and then I thought it would be best for all of us if we had dinner out. That way Eve won't accidentally poison us with her cooking," Grandma Casson continued unaware that Eve was being restrained by Bill, or that Caddy was frowning at her, or that Indigo (who can read lips) was matching Rose in the dirty looks department. "What do you say, hmm? Oh honestly! Indigo Charles Casson take those awful headphones out you unsociable little boy!"

Rose really, really, _really_ wished she went with Saffy to Sarah's last night.

PRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPR

Michael was overjoyed when he found out that he no longer needed to go back to the Banana House but he also didn't have to see Grandma Casson again. Ever. He was also very pleased to find his soon to be wife on his doorstep having forgotten her keys again.

"Bill didn't manage to convince you to say for the whole week then, darling?" he called out as he jumped out of the car.

Caddy greeted him with a lovely run to his arms with Buttercup gurgling cheerfully as he got squished between his parents. "I can barely last an hour with that awful woman without thinking about strangling her!" Caddy cried out feeling rather horrified with herself. "All she did was criticise how I raise my son and then criticise Mummy on how she raised me, and then criticise Manchester before moving back to Indigo, Saffy, Rose, and poor David. He looked like he was about to wet himself when she started on him! And poor darling Mummy cried three times this evening alone!"

"I honestly don't understand how someone so kind and wonderful like you is related to an evil, cold, and cruel woman like her," Michael sighed as he pressed a kiss on Caddy's forehead.

He really missed her.

"I take after Mummy, something that hag can't bear!" Caddy said with all the viciousness she could summon up.

Which quite honestly wasn't really that much she couldn't help but think how lonely poor Grandma Casson must be...

Michael chuckled as he turned to unlock the door and let his family come in (he had no doubt that Caddy lost her keys again) and cheerfully spent the night putting Buttercup to bed as he listened to Caddy complain endlessly about her grandmother over several cups of tea before they went to bed.

One thing he knew for certain was when they got married he was _**not**_ inviting Grandma Casson even if it means they have to elope.

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Saffy and Sarah were painting their toe nails while listening to a Spanish drama on a Spanish radio they tune in often on Sarah's computer. While it was a little difficult at first it had quickly become second nature to instinctively translate without giving it a second thought.

They were very pleased since one of their goals was to be fluent in a language and since they epically failed at their heart of stones part of their long-term goals it was nice to accomplish something.

Suddenly the door burst open causing them to jump, and much to Sarah's mother's frustration the next day, spill bright red nail polish on the white carpet.

"Sarah!" Rose wailed. "Can I sleep here please? Grandma Casson is horrible! She's mean and bitter and nasty, and now Caddy has left us as well! She makes scary noises in her sleep and I can't sleep! Please, please, please, let me stay!"

"I'm sorry Rosie Pose I can't," Sarah said trying to hide a giggle, while she had no doubt that Rose was being tortured by her grandmother there was something amusing about the way she begged. Rose never begged. Unless it was for sweets or new art supplies. "_Someone_ broke my hammock and there's no spare beds."

"It wasn't someone it was you and Indigo," Saffy muttered under her breath with disgust.

"What were you and Indigo doing in the hammock?" Rose asked curiously.

"Ask your brother," Sarah and Saffy said quickly in unison. Neither of them particularly wanted to explain snogging to Rose who wasn't quite twelve yet and still unbelievably naive.

Besides Indigo has been rather useless recently and it was best to make him suffer just a little before Bill or Eve put him out of his misery.

"Ok," Rose made a mental note to ask Indigo about the hammock, "Saffy can't you come home, please?" Rose begged tearfully. She didn't want to go back alone and if she had to suffer surely someone else should as well!

"Only when that old hag has gone back to whatever hellhole she lives in," Saffy said firmly. "Go home Rose, it's late and you should be in bed."

Sniffling Rose slowly left the room and made her way home.

But not until after she cried on Sarah's mum's shoulder and had two mugs of hot chocolate and several biscuits.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day was pretty much just like the day before only Grandma Casson was complaining about Caddy and Saffy now. Rose was so tired that she did nothing but doze off on David's shoulder (he didn't mind, David never minds) when they were forced to watch some boring thing together instead of fighting the old hag. Bill had difficulty to keep his eyes open as well and sleep deprived as well as heartbroken over losing two of her daughters Eve got rather vengeful and began to add things to Grandma Casson's food.

It didn't change much just made her complain even more about Eve's cooking skills.

Only this time round Indigo and David had to listen to it which cheered Rose up a lot because they've been getting away with not suffering so much.

In the evening while Eve was attempting cook a roast, the boys were forced on a 'brisk evening walk' with Grandma Casson, and Bill had fallen to sleep properly, Rose took advantage of her time alone and immediately went on the computer to whine to Tom who had barely had the chance to woken up.

**It's not that much of a surprise really, **was Tom's reply to Rose's gigantic two page long rant about how horrible her grandmother was, **after all your father isn't exactly the nicest guy on the block is he? I'm just surprised you had a grandma I thought they all died. **

_I don't think Grandma Casson CAN die, _Rose typed in as quickly as she could which was really not that fast but still faster than Caddy, _she's so evil that I don't think she survives on food like the rest of us. She's probably hundreds of years old and Daddy was adopted. _

**I don't know Permanent Rose, your father is one uptight bloke and he sounds a lot like your grandmother. **

_He isn't!_

**Oh come on! Think about it, she's a snobby uptight cow and he's always sneering at you lot for not 'being sensible' or not 'doing real art', and then she has one nasty temper and I have never forgotten the look your father gave me when we met. Like I was dirt on the bottom of his shoe just because I encouraged Indy to spend the whole evening on the school roof with me. The only difference is that Eve mellows him out, and you lot of course. **

_No one evil could marry someone as nice as Mummy. So there. _

**So there...how is Indy taking the evil granny invasion, then?**

_He's all right. The only one who isn't bothered, I would say David was ok as well but he keeps looking like he's about to wet his pants. Indy is just Indy, he's never mad unless I wake him up. _

**Ah, poor Dave, he thought he was escaping one mad woman only to encounter a whole bunch and have the scariest of them all come to visit. **

_What is that supposed to mean exactly?_

**Nothing Rosie Pose, nothing. **

There was a pause where Rose for a moment struggled to think of what to say. Part of her really wanted to call him a liar but she didn't want to argue with Tom when he was in America and making up would be hard. Before she could type something he sent her another message.

**Still at least your grandmother isn't a witch.**

_I like your grandmother; she's far nicer than mine. _

**Try living with her and all those cats. You'll be quick to change your mind. **

_Cats are nicer than having no Saffy and Caddy. She might chase Indy off next the rate she's going :(_

**Indy is made of stronger stuff than that, Permanent Rose, and I bet your grandmother smells a lot nicer than over fifty cats and their litter boxes. **

_Not really. _

**LOL, you know how to make me laugh. **

Rose was just about to type a reply when suddenly the screen flashed into darkness and she whirled round to see Grandma Casson holding the plug to the computer. She let out a small shrill yell of horror at the terrible, terrifying, evil sight.

"You did not listen to your father calling," Grandma Casson said primly, "he was making such an awful noise, shouting your name over and over again. I read in the newspapers that children spend too much time on computers like this but I never believed it till now. Come along your father is insisting on watching a movie together."

Rose let out a shrill horrified sound which was ignored by everyone but Indigo. "You can survive not talking to Tom for _one_ night," he rolled his eyes.

All of the sudden she was angry and snapped out spitefully, "What is snogging and how did you use it to break a hammock?"

It was needless to say that she was sent to bed early before Bill lectured Indigo with the help of Grandma Casson.

("I don't understand why you are so cross darling," Eve said loudly, "we broke plenty of things when we doing so much more than snogging." This did nothing to help Indigo's situation.)

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Indigo was doing what he had always done since he was about fifteen which was lying in bed trying to fall asleep with loud music blaring in his ears thanks to what used to be a walkman but was now an I-Pod.

Indigo had never been close to his father mostly because he wasn't what his father wanted in a son (i.e. someone normal) and therefore very indifferent to the whole Samantha and London thing unlike Rose who was such a Daddy's girl it was ridiculous (so was Saffy though she'd deny it). However he will admit (mostly to his girlfriend) that the best thing about Bill coming home for good was the awesome birthday present he had been presented with recently.

He was almost asleep as the loud rock music was slowly turning into Sarah's voice and he could almost see her stunning witch like eyes behind his...

_GRRRR – __**SNORT**__ – GRRR!_

His eyes shot open as he heard a monstrous sound that sent shivers down his spine. He held up his I-Pod and squinted at the screen it said it was supposed to be playing Bon Jovi but instead there was some sort of growling noise filling the house. He checked his headphones and they were plugged in.

Well...

Half was plugged in, the other half was hanging in his ears as his headphones were obviously cut with scissors not so long ago.

There was only one cause for this horrible, terrible, _evil_ thing.

"ROSE!"


	6. Chapter 6

For the first time this week Rose was cheerful and very gleeful the next morning when she helped Eve make the toast (only a few pieces came out burnt but Rose liked it smother those with butter). This scared Bill a little as Rose was never this happy unless Tom from New York was round or she did something very naughty.

When he came across Indigo looking pretty much like a zombie he had a suspicion it was Rose's doing.

Indigo was very quick to confirm said suspicion, "Look!" he hissed waving a pair of headphones in Bill's face. "She cut right through them with _scissors_! I couldn't sleep at all! Tell her off!"

Bill swore he saw Indigo stamp his foot like a little toddler. It was a very odd sight, in fact it was perhaps the oddest thing Bill had seen in his life and that was saying something. Indigo had always been the calm and easily pleased one out of his children even when he was a baby there had been little fussing and he quickly slept through the night but then again if Indigo was sleep deprived he was the moodiest little brat Bill ever set eyes on and he raised Rose so it was definitely saying something.

Bill was pretty sure that Indigo loved sleep more than anything else in the world apart from maybe Sarah.

Therefore to prevent any more drama in his already chaotic life Bill quickly spoke up to prevent any arguments or hissy fits between his youngest two. "Rose that was a very naughty thing to do and you will do all the cleaning in the kitchen for a whole week. I want to eat on a spotless table and not see a single crumb on the floor, got it?"

"Yes Daddy," Rose said sweetly looking at him as if butter would not melt in her mouth.

Ha! He knew better than that, he was no fool.

"You can start by cleaning the breakfast plates," he ordered coolly. He swore he heard his youngest mutter 'worth it' as she collected the breakfast plates and began the washing up but then again his hearing was never the best recently with all the screaming, shouting, and snoring going on. "Indigo stop acting so stroppy you can help yourself from the housekeeping jar and buy yourself a new set of headphones this afternoon."

"I really don't like that system you use to handle money," Bill cringed as he heard his mother begin another tirade at what he does wrong in his own home, "I mean anyone can walk in and just help themselves. And what is to stop your children from spending it all on sweets or something else equally ridiculous? Honestly William I do worry about you sometimes with your wild children, your silly wife, and very stupid system you have going on around here, how can you rest in peace, oh and how will your children ever grow up to be respectable mature and responsible young adults if you let them act out like that?"

"_That's it!_" Bill snapped. No really he had completely snapped much like the time when Indigo almost died or when Rose cried 'please come home' he just couldn't take it anymore and his body took over his brain. "I had enough of you mother! You have come into my home and all you have done is criticise my wife, my children, and my parenting skills. You have driven away my eldest two daughters and I have had it. I have you know that my wife is the best mother in the world to my children. She does not judge, she is always there to listen, and she loves them more than anything in the world. She also does not treat Saffy any different than she would treat Caddy, Indigo, and Rose because Saffron is her daughter just as much as mine. Saffy is temperamental and defiant and stubborn but I love her nonetheless despite her inability to forgive me. She deserves to be here just as much, no even more, than you do. Caddy has made many mistakes concerning Michael, we will all admit that, but Buttercup is not one of them, and yes I call him Buttercup because it is a nickname and nothing less. The way I run my household is none of your business. I trust my children not to spend it all on sweets. I trust my friends and guests not to help themselves. This system has worked out for the last thirty years almost and it will not change, my house is untidy, my children are argumentative and constantly cause me worry, my wife is prone to crying and hiding in the shed but _I will not have it anyway other way_ and if you do not like that then you can leave _right now_!" he took a great deep breath before snatching the newspaper of the table. "Good day!"

He stormed out of the kitchen with a plan to hide in the downstairs loo until his mother had calmed down. He honestly didn't know what had gotten into him but he was certain his mother would never forgive him for back chatting her like a teenager.

But it had to be done. It had barely been a few days and he missed seeing Rose draw on the wall instead of moping about the house, he missed seeing Saffy studying in a corner, and seeing Caddy trying to calm a tearful Buttercup and most of all he missed hearing Eve hum cheerfully as she wandered about the house aimlessly.

Before he could make his escape into the bathroom Eve stepped in his way with a great big beaming smile and then leaned in to give him the sweetest kiss he had in months.

"Thank you," she breathed, "that was very brave of you."

To make things even better just as he was about to walk down the hallway he swore he heard his mother let out a small chuckle and tell the children very loudly;

"Well it's _about time_ he grew a backbone!"


End file.
